What She Wants

Sitting in a circle drawn in the usual manner, only now in our our (my) new living room. There is that edge I teeter on, the edge I cannot fall over. It is like being on the verge of coming, then suddenly losing the wave. I thought for sure especially with not eating for a few days that my mind would easily let go and enter the space where She and Her Sisters dance, where the Faeries tumble and the Lovers commence.

The energy is there - there is a current that permeates - the familiar assembly of Elements called forth - the air remains so...the area charging yet no tangible grasp...not enough live wire. Something that actually makes sense to me, and as is my signature, I muck it up.

This does not bode well. I did not expect Ezekiel to be an instant cure, but did take on confidence in bringing his energy into the mix, letting it apply to the other lacking pieces of me. I don't need proof of Her existence - from a young age, I just knew- it just bothers me that She insists on being around me and bringing Her world- the real world - to my senses and yet never entirely.
There is something still missing, something that must be done to further prove my devotion. I know they are trappings-mindset cues- the athame and cauldron and whatnot - maybe it is time to let go at last and remove the symbols- maybe She simply wants to see me bare.